The Election Question

As I was winding up my one and only tour in the Foreign Service of the United States, I was invited by a friend to attend a dinner in Bangkok with a group of senior Thai Police Officers.  There were about eight, at least half were four-star generals, and I was the only foreigner at the table.

At this point in Thai history, there was an election underway and lots of discussion and debate about the different parties’ methods of winning votes.  One getting a lot of attention in the press was the practice of swooping into a town around election day and just paying cash to residents for a commitment to vote for the candidate of “their” choice.  (a practice that, regrettably, has not been completely eradicated).

While this distinguished group of gentlemen discussed the topic over dinner, I just listened, until one bald-headed general turned to me and asked, “So Carl, do you have vote buying in America?”

Gulp…

I could feel the heat and pressure in my belly, rising up into my chest.  As these feelings moved upward, they were morphing into anger.  I don’t know if I was more angry that he put me on the spot like that or that he would even ask an American Diplomat this question.  

I mean, come on!  This is the United States we’re talking about!  We do it better, cleaner, and more honest than then next guy….

Everybody knows that.

It was surreal, time slowed down as I could feel my reaction and anticipate the imminent eruption of my reply.  I was keenly aware of what was happening to me but even more keenly aware that, like the lookouts on the Titanic when they spotted the iceberg, I was powerless to prevent what was sure to be an epic moment in Thai-American relations (if only in my mind).  

I mean if the angry response that was bubbling up from inside me actually came out, it was probably going to be in the papers the next morning and I might be headed home even sooner than I planned…

Fortunately for me, as the heat and pressure started moving up my neck, I became inspired by the truth and made a simple, matter-of-fact, one word reply.

“Yes.”

Suddenly, I felt like I was in the middle of an E.F. Hutton commercial.  

For those who don’t remember E.F. Hutton, here’s what I mean:

[youtube]gX0X9i7J_JE[/youtube]

Anyway, I digress.

In retrospect, it was probably just our table of ten or so people but it seemed at the time like the whole restaurant got quiet and and all eyes were on me, waiting for an explanation of the unexplainable.

I looked the general in the eyes and said in Thai, “Yes, we have vote buying in America, but it’s much ‘prettier and sweeter smelling’ than in Thailand.”

“How is that?” he asked with a bit of a laugh at my use of Thai.   (I have a feeling that my Thai sounds to the Thai people something like Yule Brynner’s English in “The King and I” sounds to Americans).

Still with all eyes on me, I explained that virtually any American would be offended by a direct offer of cash for their vote.  Indeed both the giver and the receiver would likely end up in prison, if caught.  “The concept is so fundamentally offensive to Americans that the practice is virtually non-existent,”  I offered.

Confused, he asked, “Then how is it that you have vote buying?”

“Candidates who would use their election budgets to buy the peoples’ votes would not only lose the election, they would find themselves in prison.  They must use the government’s budget instead,” I explained. 

My attentive audience now even more confused, I continued:  

“Candidates make promises to the people as to what they will do when elected.  They promise, if elected, to provide health care, free food, other benefits, various subsidies, and even cash to help ‘take care’ of the people.”  I related that as a child, I was excited to hear a radio ad for presidential candidate Hubert Humphrey which promised to give “$1000 cash to every man, woman, and child in the United States.”

That would make me the richest 5-year-old in history!

“In this way, they can use a budget they don’t even have, and are not in control of, to buy the peoples’ votes, and do so without breaking one single law.”

“And actually use the peoples’ own money to bribe them.”

All the generals smiled and nodded knowingly.

So, my fellow Americans, shall we be honest with ourselves and admit that our political processes are really just a more sophisticated version of the Roman “Bread and Circuses”?

And shall we reflect on how that turned out for the Roman Empire?

Thanks for reading.

cma